uestion 31 What kind of stress do women have in the workplace?
uestion 31
What kind of stress do women have in the workplace?
Dual career stress is an everyday reality. There has been much ongoing debate about the potentially negative effects of ‘absent mothers’ on their children as more women enter the workforce.
Extensive studies have shown no significant detrimental effect provided an alternative nurturing caregiver is available (a single, consistent caregiver is best) and the child has opportunities for social interaction.
Stopping work to be with the kids should be done out of choice and preference rather than through guilt, fear or being ‘told to do so by some experts’. Dual career marriages are no worse than traditional single career ones, though special stresses such as decreased time together, relocation and childcare issues may arise.
Women in the workforce should recognise
their own needs, make the most of the time they have with the children, get
the children involved in household chores and agree on a fair division of household
chores. Other strategies, which have been found to be helpful, include job sharing,
flexitime and in-house childcare facilities.
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uestion 32
How can I manage work stress?
Stress affects individuals and so solutions and coping strategies are best individualised. Managing stress is a lifelong journey of learning new skills, refining old ones and making changes to live, feel and work as well as possible - so the sooner you start, the better. A personal work stress management plan should include the following steps:
Positive strategies to combat work stress
Change what can be changed and accept what cannot. Otherwise consider improving your coping skills or leaving the job for another. Identify and correct ‘blind spots’ and ‘road blocks’ which hinder your life and well-being. For example, fear of failure, poor anger control, poor communication skills, unassertiveness, type A personality traits and poor social skills can all be improved by learning alternative skills and practice. Programmes which cover such topics are run periodically by a number of organisations.
Growth by learning and exploration can occur through many different avenues - personal interactions and experiences, reading, training, etc. React to setbacks and disappointments optimistically, considering it an opportunity for growth and learning. Try to retain a sense of overall control and meaning of life. Remain committed to your life and work. Having a religion can also add meaning and coherence to life.
Have regular healthy meals and eat a balanced, tasty diet with a variety of food. Have regular exercise (three times a week for 20-30 minutes). Avoid undesirable habits such as smoking, drinking excess alcohol and abusing drugs. Get adequate sleep, rest and relaxation. Holidays and vacations can help ‘recharge’ one’s energies and zest. Be active, both mentally and physically.
Protect your family time by having a weekly schedule where times are ‘blocked off’ for your family and yourself. Spend time pursuing common family interests and activities. Protect your non-work time by engaging in meaningful pursuits you can commit yourself to and which you enjoy.
Use whatever social support or help (parents, relatives, friends, maids, etc.) to reduce dual career stress.
Be flexible and be willing to ‘give and take’. Good enough is good enough; you don’t have to have it all!
Minimise having too many changes in your life at any one particular period of time.
Ensure you have adequate social support (family, friends and others). They can be life’s savers in times of trouble.
A poor work environment can be a source of stress; a good one can be a ‘stress-buster’. Have soothing items around, for example plants, nice smells, pictures of nature, and soft music. To reduce VDU strain, have a break every so often and focus your eyes on something at a distance. Ensure that the office equipment is well designed, up to date, sufficient and appropriate for the tasks at hand.
Make time and priority to form and maintain healthy relationships at work. Assert yourself and your rights, yet respecting the rights of others. There is a clear difference between aggressiveness or anger, and assertiveness. Learn to communicate effectively - ‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood’. Learn to listen actively and observe non-verbal signals too.
Ask yourself whether working very long hours are absolutely necessary. Work overload can be reduced by prioritisation and good time management (putting ‘first things first’), delegation, learning when and how to say ‘no’ and by the use of aids (human or technological). Although new technology can be a great help in reducing our workload, in certain circumstances, coping with new technology and information can be stressful - particularly if there is inadequate support and training.
Engage in healthy positive, comforting self-talk when in a stressful situation. Learn to see the lighter side of things and to be able to laugh at yourself. Step back mentally and ask yourself whether getting all worked up is ‘worth it’ (usually it’s not). Lifelong pessimists can benefit from training themselves to think more optimistically by appraising disappointments accurately and not falling into the common trap of seeing problems as personal, permanent and pervasive.
Techniques such as meditation, muscle relaxation,
deep breathing and imagery have been shown to benefit those under stress.
There is no substitute for regular practice and application.
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uestion 33
How can I manage my anger?
First, you have to understand that you and you alone are responsible for your own anger and will also bear any untoward consequences should you lose control. In this way, you will want to manage anger for your own sake and not for someone else’s.
The next time you are angry, stop to observe your body (e.g. feeling tense, raising your voice, experiencing hot flushes, stomach tightening) and listen to your mind (e.g. negative and destructive thoughts). Being aware of these warning signs enables you to deal with your anger more appropriately and effectively.
When you get heated up, it’s often too late to think clearly. So the trick is to list down all the costs (e.g. breaking things, hurting someone, souring friendships, etc.) which you can think of or imagine, should you slip into an uncontrollable rage. Use them as disincentives to prevent your anger from escalating. Tell yourself that you don’t want to become a victim of your own anger.
When you feel annoyed by someone, listen to your body’s responses and categorise your anger into three colours.
Green - This would mean that you are fully aware of your angry psychological and physiological responses but you are still in control of your behaviour.
Amber - Now you are uncertain whether you can still keep your cool. This is the most critical time before you go into red. You need to rescue yourself. Take actions like a ‘time-out’, breath deeply and slowly, drink a glass of cold water (no alcohol please) or talk to someone other than the person you are currently angry with.
Red - This is when you have acted out your anger inappropriately i.e. you have lost your cool. You have over-reacted and you need help.
When you are close to an explosion of angry emotions, take a time-out. This isn’t the time to solve the problem. You are too hot to think straight.
The best thing you can do during a time-out is to be alone. Head for your favourite place where you can calm down. Don’t drive there if you are angry - otherwise you may displace that anger dangerously on the roads. Have a cup of iced water or decaffeinated coffee, or even a cold shower. Practise relaxation if you still can. Do breath-control exercises. Don’t watch violent movies as they can agitate you further. Return only when you think you can talk calmly without losing your temper.
Often times we get angry when we are tensed or stressed.
Having a hobby (including physical exercises) or practising relaxation regularly can help dissipate any tension accumulated during the course of each day. Spending some quiet time alone, meditating, praying or reading religious literature, can strengthen your resolution to remain calm.
When you return from your time-out, speak clearly, calmly and slowly. Do not shout, raise your voice, accuse, curse, or look confrontational.
An angry man is a lonely man. He has few friends and maybe many enemies. It is almost impossible to establish good relationships when you are angry.
So, focus on building good relationships when you are not angry. Instead of struggling with anger all the time, actively take positive steps to strengthen ties in your life. Instead of being controlled by anger, you should be in-charge. And the positive feelings, which have blossomed in such relationships, will also help modify your anger and its expressions.
So, recognise that anger is a strong
emotion, and may require much effort to tame it.
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uestion
34
I know of a teacher who became depressed soon after retirement. What are the causes of
stress in retirement?
Although retirement is often perceived as a long awaited relief from the stress of work, it can paradoxically be a major source of stress. For those whose only passion is work, retirement is something to dread. Work confers a sense of self worth and social status, besides financial security and companionship. For many workers, retirement provides more leisure time for recreational pursuits, e.g. playing golf; spending time with the family; opportunities for self-improvement, e.g. attending courses; and time for extended vacations. But there are also stressors in retirement:
Retirement is often accompanied by feelings
of diminished usefulness, importance and independence. Because our society is
work-oriented and youth- oriented, retirement can cause an identity crisis.
The elderly need to seek new roles in the family and community. Work confers
status to the individual and is important for self-esteem. Reactions to retirement
depend, to a great extent, on the effectiveness of a person’s adjustment
mechanisms or coping behaviours. Poor health may also mean that they are more
dependent on family members if mobility is seriously affected.
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uestion
35
How do I plan for retirement?
Planning for retirement requires a realistic understanding of the changes and challenges that come with it. Planning should begin at least 2-3 years prior to ensure a smooth transition.
‘Well-adjusted’ retirees are those who accepted retirement easily without regrets about the past; they are able to find new tasks and to cultivate new relationships. The ‘angry’ retirees are unable to face the prospect of growing old and blame others bitterly for their failure to achieve their life goals. In contrast, the ‘self-hate’ retirees blame themselves for their misfortunes and react with depression rather than anger.
For those who engaged in pre-retirement
planning of post-retirement roles, retirement is both a challenge and an opportunity.
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